just been thinking...

well, I was just editing a Princeton entrance essay for a friend of mine and in her essay she was talking about how Tennis taught her discipline in her life, not only on the court but off as well. And it made me think...

"wow. I lack discipline."

My reasoning for this is that really, all my life there wasn't much disciplined. Yeah, I came from asian parents, but I was like rarely ever spanked. Reason being, I saw my sister's mistakes, saw the consequences, and learned from them. Going to school there was no need for discipline when it came to me. I knew the limits, didn't test them. And that was that.

It was good back then, not getting into trouble and all, but now it's ramifications aren't so great. Let me tell you how. Ok, so now I'm in high school and all. Last year to be exact. I've come to develope this repuation over the years, so now I have quite a bit of leeway with teachers, well anyone with power over me that is, and I guess I've kinda taken advantage of that. I mean come on, wouldn't you? I would be stupid to pass that up. Naive too! It's society people, gotta do what you gotta do. But that's another topic I could go on about, but I won't tonight. Ok, so ANYWAY! because of this leeway and also the fact that my teachers don't do homework checks anymore, I've become sooooo slack. no discipline. I keep telling myself I can do better, be better, by actually doing something productive!!

Great literature reveal how the protagonist's fate isn't due to chance, but a flaw in his character that leads to a tragic serise of events. Othello's jealousy, Macbeth had his ruthless ambition, and of course, Hamlet's hesitation and self-doubt, became the root of their downfall. And knowing Shakespear, he bases everything on the human condition and human nature. So of course I feel, these plays, although exagerations, do reflect real life very accurately. Now, I'm not trying to give an English lesson. Hear me out now, you'll see where I'm getting at.

My flaw is this lack of discipline. It's already becoming my downfall now. My marks have slipped, I've dropped the ball on many extra currics, and I'm failing at something I love to do-art. And then it affects my self esteem on my abilities, and that holds me back so much. The fear that it creates. I feel a bit like J. Alfred Prufrock right about now. Another English allusion in my blog for ya! hahahahaha!

I know I have the power to do so much more, and I want to succeed. So, with it being so close the New Years. I thought I'd make it my resolution to discipline myself and move forward in life to the best of my ability. So that means no more slacking off or procrastinating. Through I am human, so give me the days when I do. Hahahaha. I'm gonna start slow. Slow and steady wins the race! That's what they always say to people with diet resolutions. The "start slow" thing that is. Not the tortise and the hare line.

Well, that's all folks! and have happy new year.